Madhavi Devi on Her New Album "Luck of the Draw"

Last week I had the pleasure of sitting down with Asbury Park-based singer-songwriter Madhavi Devi. Fresh off a northeastern tour and her debut album release, Madhavi and I chatted about her writing process, imposter syndrome and what she wants for her future.

The last time we spoke was right before the album dropped. Now that it’s out, how are you feeling?

I think there's so many emotions attached to a release like this because it's my first full body of work. I think there was a lot of relief that came with it, but the comedown has been so interesting, because there was all this anticipation and build-up to the release, and then it happened, and now it's kind of like, okay, that's it, it's out. I put in so much work, and I don't know if there's really any immediate payoff or return on investment, per se, but I think on an artistic level, this is what it's all about. It's all about creating an album, an actual thing.

Photo Credits @shotsbyandrew.jpeg

Is there a track on this album that you feel particularly proud of?

My favorite song has always been Sad Anymore, actually. I love the way it's produced. I love that song. I just think it really encapsulates the record well. It's the crux. It really is the center of the album. It's the sixth track; it's dead in the middle. It’s the start of the second half, and I think that's the bottom of the issue. That's the core of what the real problem was, not really knowing who I was outside of a relationship.

On the 7th track, "Worth", you sing “Today I cried to Amy about how I fucking hate my job / And how being a singer makes me feel like I’m a fraud”. Can you talk about the inspiration behind writing those lyrics?

I wrote that song after I had a mental breakdown to my stepmom. I really didn't know what I was worth. I was writing this album right after I'd graduated from college. I knew that I wanted to be an artist and that this is what I wanted to do, but I just didn't really know how to do it or how to approach it. When I graduated school, I was kind of just like, alright, well, that's it. Now what? The whole line about how being a singer makes me feel like a fraud was, I think, the dichotomy of clocking into my serving job, serving tables, and pursuing music. I hated the company I was working for at the time, and it was just really exhausting and draining. When you have a job that's depleting your energy like that, it doesn't leave a lot of room to feel good about your art either. I was also dealing with a little bit of imposter syndrome and not feeling good enough, which is why I was like, "Do I even deserve to be heard if I don't know what I'm worth?"

How do you deal with those feelings of imposter syndrome?

I feel like imposter syndrome, at its core, is that you are something, but you don't think you are that thing. And it's just having to be like, no, I am that. It's really a lot of battling with your own thoughts, and kind of putting them to the side, and tabling them, and doing the thing anyway. And I think, for me, a lot of it wasn't a choice, either. I was like, I do feel like that, but it’s not gonna stop me. I'm not gonna let that get in the way of me doing what I want to do. It was just a really strange emotion to deal with and kind of coexist with. I think it just slowly dissipated over time. I think it also dissipated because I was so focused on creating the music and creating the world that I wanted this record to exist in. But then it was really funny. I had the thought that I've spent so much time trying to build a world, and it's just like, no, it's not building a world sometimes; sometimes it's just letting somebody into the world you already live in.

You started writing at a very young age. How do you feel your writing has evolved over the years?

I feel very fortunate that I've been writing since I was 5 or 6, because I would like to think that I got a lot of my bad stuff out of the way pretty early, and that I'm capable of just writing something good as a baseline. I think my writing has evolved in a way where I'm currently just trying to be very intentional with what I'm saying, and say the right thing on purpose, and make sure that I'm saying it the best way that I possibly can. There’s a Samia interview where she was like, “I don't believe in synonyms; there is like a perfect word for everything.” I really hold that close, and I bear that in mind when I write. When I got out of this relationship, I was like, I have an album. But I think moving forward, I want to do it more intentionally this time, and really construct a record with an established through line and kind of a lens that I'm writing through.

You mentioned that when you were twenty, you started “breaking rules” in your writing? Do you think doing that has helped you find your sound?

I think maybe to some extent. When I started playing around a little bit more, it provided a lot of creative freedom that I didn't really have otherwise, or that always existed, but I had kind of just unlocked and gained access to. A song can be anything you want, and I was just starting to understand that. I think as far as my sound goes, it's very influenced and shaped by Connor Hanson, who produced the album, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I write the songs alone, and take them to him with all of these influences that I have in mind, like Medium Build, Samia, Maggie Rogers. Those kinds of artists who have this folk sound. I also do love pop music, and Connor loves pop music, so it's this giant amalgamation of the art that we love to consume, and then it shapes the way that we create.

Do you have any advice for female artists looking to break into the current music industry?

Always listen to your gut. I think that it's really important to learn the distinction between anxiety and your gut. Don't let a man stand in the way. Be emotional, who cares? Men are emotional too. Probably more than women sometimes, they just don't get as much flak for it. Lean into it. Lean into the raw emotion of art. Don't worry about your image and what you look like, especially with Hollywood on Ozempic. It's not about that; it's not about the way you look. Forget metrics, forget optics, just create.  If you're scared, do it scared, do it afraid, just do it. Because I think the other thing, too, is there's a fear of failure that comes with putting yourself out there. I think failure and rejection kind of sit next to each other at the table. Rejection is just redirection, so there's always a pivot to be made. There's always somewhere else you can go.

What are the next steps for

you in your career and life?

I just really want to start playing live more again and try to book another tour for later this year. I would love to start opening for some other artists. I am kind of dying to get back on the road. Also, I want to start writing to write again. I want to get more creative. When I was a kid, I loved using GarageBand. I would nerd out on GarageBand and just make shit. And I'm like, why don't I just nerd out and make shit anymore?  Last year I talked about how bad I wanted a Grammy in one interview, which is still true, but it's… It's so ambitious. It's not something that I'm letting go of, but I was talking to my friend about it, and I said I need a booking agent. And he said, “Yeah, you gotta make getting a booking agent the Grammy”. And I was like, oh my god! It's just about breaking this giant thing that I want into smaller pieces, and making those things attainable. That just opened my brain up.

I also want to return to the love and the why, because I got really fucked up over numbers and optics and metrics. I thought, am I doing this right? Is anything I'm doing even worthwhile? I feel like I'm reliving some of the songs in new ways still. I love making music, I love connecting with people, and it's been really cool. I feel really fortunate that I've been able to have a couple of interviews, and chat with people, and sometimes people recognize me out and about, and they're like, “Hey, I love your music.” That's, like, actually wild. I think I'm in search of connection, and I want to bring us all together a little bit.

"Luck of the Draw" is now available across all streaming platforms.